Man City, Spurs, Stoke and Fulham all have double gameweeks, so if you are making transfers it simply has to be from one of those sides…

Fulham

After their Europa League heroics, and with precedent, it is likely Woy will rest and rotate. Budget defenders like Chris Baird or FF favourite Brede Hangeland would certainly be on the radar otherwise, as would the likes of Damien Duff, Clint Dempsey, and Bobby Zamora. But they aren’t precisely for that reason.

Stoke

Defenders are always Stoke’s most attractive assets – Ryan Shawcross is finally fit and must be top choice, with Robert Huth close behind. Pickings amongst their attackers are slim, with Etherington the stand out, then scraping the barrel, Ricardo Fuller and maybe Tuncay. Thomas Sorensen would have been good, RIP.

Man City

Conversely, attackers are City’s most alluring transfers. Carlos Tevez will of course be the ideal, with Adebayor and Bellamy behind, mainly due to rotation. Unless Mancini chooses to ‘rest’ Tevez after his latest outburst…

Spurs

A bit more choice around ‘Arry’s boys. Gareth Bale has been an absolute FPL hero, and Dawson also appeals for less money. Modric is another who will feature highly on wishlists. And Jermaine Defoe. Then depending on the starting XI, you could look at King, Assou-Efan Ekoku, Kranjcar, Huddlestone, Crouch, Pav…

Decision

This is our list, in order, of who we think you should get in this Gameweek, cost/form etc all considered. Don’t blame us if it costs you your minileague though…

1. Bale
2. Tevez
3. Modric
4. Shawcross
5. Etherington
6. Dawson
7. Adebayor
8. Huth
9. Defoe
10. Given

Now we’re getting to the business end of the season, a few players who could make the difference…

1. Mikel Arteta

Recently back from injury, Arteta has looked like he’s never been away. One of the most naturally gifted players in the league, he seems to have taken up a position off the striker which offers even more points potential. He takes penalties and direct free kicks too, and with Everton’s favourable run-in and impending double gameweek he is a stand out selection.

2. Alexandre Song

Arsenal also have an easy run-in, making them many peoples’ favourites for the title (we tipped them at the start of the season…). Song, after the ACN and then injury and suspension, is now fit to slot back into the holding midfield role – and he’s registered as a defender, always a good thing. Cheap too.

3. James Milner

The fantasy football form player, Milner has been consistently excellent for Villa this season, contributing goals, assists, and bonus points. Villa again have a decent last few games and like Everton begin with a double gameweek.

In fact, you could do a lot worse than load your team with players from those three sides – other appealing options are Bendtner (cheap, and playing and scoring points in the absence of Van Persie), Sylain Distin (Everton have nice fixtures plus he is cheap), Steven Pienaar (probably Everton’s best player this season) and James Collins (by a margin Villa’s cheapest defender).

With the weather, the postponements, etc it’s not worth sacrificing points to make changes this week – your transfers in may well not even play. Yes I’m looking at you -4 points Chris Baird… So, we’ve only one selection for you today, but it’s a good one…

And it is…

Abou Diaby has already played a pivotal role for Arsenal this season, pulling out a couple of big performances – and high scoring gameweeks. He has scored 14, 9, and 2 in the last three weeks, and it would have been more were Arsenal’s game against Bolton not postponed. The concern with Diaby is whether he will start – but with the departure of Alex Song to the African Nations Cup that starting berth is virtually guaranteed. And at 5.6m, he represents fantastic value for a starting Arsenal midfielder.

As always, don’t hold us responsible if he does sweet FA – but he’s one to get in over the next few weeks.

Here are our three players to watch – well in fact to sign – to see you through the Christmas period. As ever, we make no promises that this will turn out well. And we appreciate the lack of imagination that seemingly lies behind these picks; but points mean prizes…

1. Andrei Arshavin

Over the next four gameweeks (assuming you play the FPL and are familiar with that parlance) Arsenal play Burnley, Hull, Villa – and then joy of joys have a double header, with Portsmouth and Bolton both on the week’s menu. That’s a nice run of games and no mistake. So who to select to take advantage of that run? Fabregas is the obvious option. But we’re going to go (very very slightly) left field and pick the ever-endearing Andrei Arshavin. He’s in the game as a midfielder but in the absence of Van Persie will be leading the line – so a midfielder’s points for someone playing as a striker. And he’s cheaper than Cesc. Go Andrei.

2. Wayne Rooney

As we wrote here, Man United are in the midst of a tremendously easy run of games (although they have already contrived to lose the only difficult one, against Villa). It’s certainly not a time to go with a United defender, as ‘makeshift’ is generous for the four they’re chucking out at present – and their midfield is ever-changing and unpredictable. So, somewhat obviously, the name that stands out is Wayne Rooney. His goal against Wolves made him the first player to reach 20 calendar goals in 2009 (ahead of Drogba, Torres, etc) and none less than Patrick Barclay was moved to describe his performance against Villa as one of the best he had seen in the history of the Premier League. Jump on that bandwagon.

3. Branislav Ivanovic

Just to round off our thoroughly uninspired choices coming solely from the Big Four, we suggest you go with Branislav Ivanovic, Chelsea’s giant defender. With their current injury problems he has played pretty much every game at right back, has got forward well, and is always a threat from set pieces. Also, at just £5.8m, he is considerably cheaper than the rest of their current back four (Carvalho, Terry, Cole). The return from injury of Alex and Bosingwa could disrupt him but he should be safe for the next couple of games (Chelsea also have an easy run) at least.

We haven’t done this for a while – here are our best three picks for this week and the weeks ahead… Although we make no assurances they will be successful.

1. David Dunn

He’s fat, he’s round, he’s only five point seven million pound… David Dunn. By a margin Blackburn’s outstanding performer this season, Dunn has already notched four goals, and in only seven appearances. In those seven he has also received bonus points four times (3,3,2,1) so represents outstanding value. If you have any further reservations, remember he is also Blackurn’s penalty taker. Sam Allardyce’s answer to Steven Gerrard is your answer to the cheap midfielder conundrum.

2. Kevin-Prince Boateng

No lesser judge than Steve Finnan has stated Boateng’s importance to Portsmouth – and they are now a side in form, with successive 4-0 wins following their wretched start to the season. He is central to much of their good work and has accrued bonus points in four of their last five matches. He has two goals and an assist to boot, and at only £5.0m is cheaper even than David Dunn. Pair them for a budget yet potentially lucrative central midfield partnership.

3. Robin Van Persie

Van Persie is on fire. He has scored in each of his last six matches, and has eight in eight. His gameweek scores have been 15, 9, 6, 7, 9, 8, 6 and his total is 78 from just 10 games. In those 10 he has 7 goals and 6 assists, and 14 bonus points. With Wolves to face this week… need I say more?

We’re back into Premier League football this weekend after the international hiatus. There are already strong cases for ‘must have’ players, even after only four games. Here we take a look at the most compelling…

1. Jermaine Defoe

Back at Spurs after his stint with Portsmouth, Defoe has started the season like a runaway train. He has four goals in his first four matches, and is in the best form of his career. With excellent service coming from the likes of Modric and Lennon, he could be a real challenger to Torres and Drogba at the top of the goalscoring charts. Manager Harry Redknapp is not known as a tinkerman either, so if Defoe keeps scoring, he will keep playing.

2. Glen Johnson

Johnson has already amassed 31 Fantasy Premier League points, second only to Didier Drogba. He is fantastic going forward and has scored twice and gained two assists in his first four matches. Only one clean sheet so far – but this is Liverpool, that will change, and once it does he will be un-unpickable. I am aware that isn’t a word.

3. Ryan Shawcross

Alex Ferguson tried to buy him back, Liverpool tried to snatch him on deadline day – that shows the esteem the young Stoke defender is held in. Sir Alex must be ruing ever letting him go. Stoke have kicked on admirably after a strong first season in the top-flight, with the signings of Tuncay and Huth a big statement of ambition. They are generally tight at the back, particularly at home, and Shawcross is also a threat from set-pieces. Furthermore, at just 4.9m, he is fantastic value.

An excellent article by Guardian Sport/Football Weekly hero Barry Glendenning looks at the way Fantasy Football corrupts your mind – the original can be found here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2009/aug/12/fantasy-football

Don’t let this article corrupt yours in any way about the best game to play though – that is, and always will be, by a street: http://fantasy.premierleague.com. Get your team in now!

You may have seen the government advisory advert. Simon, a hardcore stoner pleasantly baked on weed, opens the door to be confronted by assorted versions of himself with neon signs over their heads: “paranoia”, “lazy”, “talkative” and other dystopian dwarf names. Then, the menacing voiceover: “The more you mess with cannabis the more it can mess with your mind.”

Here’s an idea for a different version. Simon, a hardcore football fan hunched behind his laptop, opens the door to be confronted by assorted versions of himself with neon signs over their heads: “paranoia”, “lazy”, “talkative” and other dystopian dwarf names. Then, the menacing voiceover: “The more you mess with fantasy football the more it can mess with your mind.”

With three days to go until the Premier League kicks off, important work is going resolutely undone in offices nationwide as grown men horse-trade and wheeler-deal to assemble their fantasy squads for the season ahead. You know the drill: assemble a squad of goalkeepers, defenders, midfielders and forwards on an imaginary budget of somewhere in the region of one Cristiano Ronaldo or a 25-seater mini-bus full of Michael Chopras, then obsess about them, often out loud and in the company of friends, until somebody cracks and punches you in the face.

Fantasy football is at once life-affirming and grimly depressing, but never boring … unless you don’t play it and are marooned in the company of those who do. A hobbit-free acceptable face of role-playing, it’s sold on the premise that it gives football fans an insight into the stresses involved in real-life football management. The fact that it leaves otherwise well-balanced individuals little more than a bad case of BO and the purchase of an imaginary orc-repelling magic amulet away from social pariah status is conveniently ignored.

The original game was created by Fantasy League Ltd in 1991 and captured the public imagination when it was licensed to 90 Minutes magazine prior to the 1992-93 Premier League; coincidentally the very season Sky Sports invented English top-flight football.

Productivity in offices promptly dropped by 81.52%, leading to the current global recession, which experts have blamed on shoddy banking practices instead of hundreds of thousands of blokes called Darren wasting hours trying to figure out how to accommodate Nicolas Anelka without having to ship out Leighton Baines or Ryan Shawcross.

The rules have always been straightforward. Once your imaginary squad has been purchased and a starting XI selected, points are generally awarded for player appearances, goals scored, assists, clean sheets and penalties saved, while bookings, dismissals and goals or penalties conceded result in points deductions.

They also result in incredibly tedious conversations between grown adults who should know better, which is why we could do with the government advisory notice endorsed in the opening paragraphs.

Paranoia? Tick. Such is my knack for consigning top-flight players to goal-droughts or spells in the treatment room by selecting them for my fantasy football team I have written to all 20 Premier League chief executives offering not to pick any of their players for a non-fantasy one-off payment of £10,000. Lazy? Tick. I’d explain why but the clock’s ticking and I’m still £18m over-budget.

Talkative? Tick. “Bramble scored? Get in!!!”, “Obviously I want Sunderland to win but I could do with them conceding three or four”, “Who crossed for Carrick’s goal?”, “Did Stoke score from a Delap long throw?”, “Did Ferdinand play? No, Anton.” Obsessional? Tedious? Geeky? Demeaning? Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Not that any of this unpleasantness will stop me competing. I’d considered sitting out this season, planning instead to while away the 17 hours a week my absence would free up developing my blueprint for a more interesting version of the game in which points are awarded or deducted for off-the-field activities.

Premier League star in your squad filmed by Sky Sports News handing out presents in a children’s ward at Christmas time? Plus two points. Premier League star in your squad filmed by a team-mate vigorously rogering an obliging groupie at any time? Minus two points. Premier League star’s sexual technique praised or criticised in tabloid kiss-and-tell? Plus or minus three points. Premier League star signs into the Sporting Chance clinic, gets acquitted by a jury or successfully accepts the man of the match fizz without saying “rest of the lads” or “obviously”? Award yourself more points than you can wedge in a skip.

The possibilities and permutations are endless, but I’ll keep plugging away. In the meantime, we’ll have to make do with leagues that can swing on the back of bad back-passes and outrageous refereeing decisions, rather than crashed Ferraris and the appearance of hideous wedding snaps in future editions of Hello!

Fantasy Premier League has re-opened its doors for the 2009/10 season. Take a look at the new additions and their valuations… Michael Owen at £8m, anyone? There have been a couple of rule changes this season:

• Emergency captain if yours doesn’t play
• Transfers carry over if not used
• Private Head to Head leagues

Read more about those changes and their impact here.

Hopefully the absence of Ronaldo will make team and captain selection a little less predictable this season. I’m off to pack my midfield with Gerrard, Lampard, and Arshavin…

Another season of Fantasy Football under the bridge… how did you do? Our side finished with 1901 points, in 31,019 position; a huge jump from last season’s 33,211th. In a thousand years time we might win it. Read on the see the season’s dream team…

Here it is – the season’s dream team. Few surprises really, the Ronaldo/Gerrard/Lampard triumverate featuring once again. Remember that each week one of these players will score double, so the actual total would be much higher (a concept furthered by skilful rotation).

Interesting that 4-5-1 is the best formation; we’ll be bearing that in mind next year. Below is the list of those who just missed out…

Man United, Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea, Villa, Man City… no-one that surprising, but further Kudos to Fulham for having three players amongst the top echelon.

We are right at the business end of the season now, and long term picks are no longer an option. Go with your convictions each week, and go for quick, easy, dirty points.

I am still reeling from the decision to leave Arshavin on the bench the week he scored four – so I’m now going for a full strength eleven with rubbish subs, as I can’t bear another such error.

Looking at this week, the obvious stand out is United’s double header – away to Man City, and home to Wigan. Wigan also have two games, the first of which is away to West Brom, so may offer some appeal; but United are now well and truly over their blip and should offer a generous return.

Our tips are:

1. Nemanja Vidic - A rock at the heart of United’s defence, bar his wobble against Torres, Vidic also offers a goal threat. And with Man City’s defensive frailties, and Wigan visiting OT, there is more than the chance of a goal. Remember Vidics awesom return the last time there was a United double gameweek?

2. Wayne Rooney – Rooney is a man on fire, dragging Man United over the line, not least with his inspirational second half performance against Spurs. He is also the least vulnerable of the forwards to rotation, with his insatiable desire to play.

3. Michael Carrick – A surprise omission from the Player of the Year poll, Carrick has been excellent all season for United. With two games, and the possibility he will feature in both, assists and bonus points are on the agenda.