England in Turmoil

We wrote about this before, but now it’s even worse. A quick run through…

Goalkeeper

David James has spent most of the season injured, and even when fit is a concern. He is always liable to make a calamitous error. And the back-ups inspire no confidence – West Ham fans hate Rob Green he’s that bad, Joe Hart is young and inexperienced (and when a Premier League club loans out your international goalkeeper as he’s not as good as Shay Given, you know you have a problem). And then we have Paul Robinson. ‘Nuff said.

Defenders

We don’t have a left back anymore. We don’t have a right back. One of our centre-backs has just been stripped of the captaincy and the other is never fit. Their back ups are Matthew Upson and Joleon Lescott. That is literally terrifying.

Midfielders

We don’t have a left midfielder. Our best right midfielder (Lennon) has succumbed to the injury curse leaving the archaic David Beckham next in line. Our best defensive centre midfielder (Hargreaves) is on the verge of being put down. Gareth Barry and Michael Carrick are not world class midfielders. Gerrard has not played well all season and never really for England. Joe Cole has been out for a year. Only Lampard can we be content with. And the form of Milner, who may not even play.

Forwards

There is an unhealthily total burden on Wayne Rooney. Good as he is and has been, if he gets injured we are in a world of trouble. Crouch hasn’t scored for seven games. Heskey never scores. Defoe can only come off the bench. Carlton Cole is just shit. Owen looks good for 20 minutes every couple of weeks then gets injured.

So…

The outlook is bleak. There are problems all over the park. It’s not out of the question that our right side consists of Gary Neville and David Beckham, one or both of our Centre Backs are Upson/Lescott, our left back is Stephen Warnock, our left mid is an out of form Gerrard, our holding midfielder is an out of depth Carrick, and – God forbid – Rooney gets injured leaving Defoe and Heskey upfront. Christ.