Darius Vassell: Mental

You probably know of Darius Vassell’s toils in Turkey. What you may not know is that he documents his mental travails in a blog. Some of which is quite disturbing. Read on for the choicest exerts…

8 December

I feel like there is something stirring, boiling . . . something about to happen. Things are changing, just need to know if it’s for the good or bad. Today i’m shown reports that Ankaragucu fans don’t want me here . . . Now my mom is worried.

15 December

Can’t get any sleep, just thinking about the many problems that i have here and the best solution. Lying there awake in bed, the sound of the air conditioning is like the engine room to a train of stressful thoughts . . . relentless. I need a plan of action.

16 December

Witnessed a car accident today outside my hotel . . . A taxi lost control and virtually wiped another car out . . . Quite a shocking but familiar sight. Now back in my room, i wonder if i could ever fully learn this language?? My favourite sentence is “Bier cay lutfen?” [one tea please] but there is only so much Turkish tea that i can drink before the novelty wears off.

21 December

I watched a goat get sacrificed at training camp a few months back; it was at this moment i realised i am an animal lover . . . I think the sacrificing of goats is normal here but i wonder if some people find it hard to witness like me. Anyone want to comment or elaborate? I know that this is done at Eid, but when else am i likely to encounter?

2 January

Had a much needed break and am proud to announce my engagement to my beautiful partner Amani . . . I also managed to setup a live webcam of my dog’s bedroom . . . His terminal illness may mean it’s the last time i will see him, so i spend extra time saying goodbye and ensuring he will be looked after. It’s almost like a movie and i’m playing the lead role, heading off to war and saying bye to my family in a backdrop of tear jerking music, while the audience eats their popcorn . . .

The cold London air reminds me to wear my scarf as i travel back to Turkey. As i tie my yellow and blue Ankaragucu scarf around my neck i realise it’s too tight a fit, and contemplate whether this is a metaphor or am i just being too cynical.

I leave the scarf in the car. Can one of my fans please send me a new scarf? The one i had was given to me on the day i arrived in Turkey.

The most recent post leaves us on tenterhooks, as Darius reveals he was asked ‘Will you come back?’ but doesn’t give an answer. Only time will tell…

To find out, check here: http://www.vassell.net/Darius/Welcome.html