En-ger-land!

Now updated after the Ukraine and Belarus games (and some ‘interesting’ feedback) below is the squad we think Don Fabio should take to South Africa, with reason for inclusion – and exclusion…

Who should go…

Goalkeepers

David James – Has been first choice for a while now, and we are yet to find a better alternative

Rob Green – He is the closest we have to a better alternative. His sending off pushed him out of the reckoning.

Paul Robinson – He is the best option for third choice considering Ben Foster is actually shit

Defenders

Ashley Cole – Utter prick, arguably one of the best left backs in the world though

John Terry – Captain spastic. But ever-dependable as long as he can hold off the injuries.

Rio Ferdinand – A world class performer when he isn’t being merked by his back. Will re-find his form.

Joleon Lescott – Ridiculously overpriced but solid and provides an option at left back

Matthew Upson – Shows the paucity of good resources should Terry/Rio get injured. Woodgate breathing down his neck (when he can leave A&E)

Glen Johnson – Yes, has defensive frailties. But great going forward and allows England to play the system they do

Wes Brown – Solid. Plays for Man Utd. Another option in the centre.

Midfielders

Steven Gerrard – One of the best midfielders in the world

Frank Lampard – See above

Gareth Barry – A competent mopper upperer, if a little overrated

Owen Hargreaves – Should and would go if he can prove he isn’t made of glass. Potentially first choice right back. Huge question marks over his fitness.

Michael Carrick – Has yet to perform for England, and perhaps too similar to Barry. Most at risk.

Joe Cole – One of few players who can produce the unexpected. Has been great for Capello when he’s played. Needs a speedy recovery.

David Beckham – Can still change a game with a pass. Also has invaluable experience. And is fit.

Aaron Lennon – Genuine width, end product improving all the time. Terrifies defenders.

Theo Walcott – Incredible pace, that hat-trick, great against tiring defenders, can also play upfront

Forwards

Wayne Rooney – England’s talisman. Pray to God he doesn’t get injured. Our single most important player.

Emile Heskey – Performs an invaluable role and important to England’s style. Could do with more goals though. Needs to leave Villa to ensure he retains his place.

Jermaine Defoe – Until/unless Michael Owen proves his fitness, the best ‘pure’ goalscorer we have. Darren Bent threatening.

Peter Crouch – Another option from the bench, offers a bit of everything, if nothing special at any of them

Who shouldn’t go….

Goalkeepers

Ben Foster – He is actually shit, as proved by his recent mistake-ridden performances. Has done absolutely nothing to justify inclusion.

Joe Hart – His time might come. It isn’t now though.

Scott Carson – Has declined into forgotten anonymity

Chris Kirkland – Injuries have pushed him down the pecking order

Defenders

Jonathan Woodgate – One of our best, ability wise. But just too injury prone to rely on. If he stays fit all season then could displace Upson.

Wayne Bridge – Lescott can cover for Cole if necessary. As could Barry if we’re desperate. Also allegedly the best paid full back in the world, which he has to be resented for.

Gary Neville – Old and injured

Micah Richards – Regressing worryingly. Time may come though.

Gary Cahill - Unsure what all the fuss is about. Massive chav. Capello seems to like him though.

Curtis Davies – Stupid hair.

Luke Young – A Villa defender who’s not good enough.

Nicky Shorey – See above.

Stephen Warnock – See above.

Phil Jagielka – Again, a good season could push him into the reckoning but currently crocked

David Wheater – Don Fabio won’t pick anyone from the Championship. Wouldn’t get in if he were in the Premier League anyway.

Midfielders

James Milner – A Capello favourite, he will probably go, although we don’t want him to. Likely to replace Carrick. Versatility is a plus and can play left back, totally ruling Bridge out (a definite plus).

Ashley Young – Much as it pains me, he hasn’t done enough recently. Could change though.

SWP – A poor man’s hybrid of Lennon and Walcott. Pointless inclusion.

Stewart Downing – Everyone has forgotten about him. But again, a good season would push him back in. If he ever recovers.

David Bentley – Who?

Jermaine Jenas – Just never got what he is or what he does

Tom Huddlestone – A behemoth of a man. Not mobile enough.

David Dunne – A case for his inclusion is bordering on the bizarre

Nigel Reo-Coker – Fall out with MON has pushed him miles out

Forwards

Carlton Cole – Although he probably will

Michael Owen – Poor old Mickey. I would love him there – but without consistent injury free game time and more goals than Defoe, he wont be.

Gabby Agbonlahor – Not particularly good at anything. Except being quick.

Dean Ashton – Dead

That gives us a squad of:

David James, Rob Green, Paul Robinson

Ashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Joleon Lescott, Matthew Upson, Glen Johnson, Wes Brown

Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry, Owen Hargreaves, Michael Carrick, Joe Cole, David Beckham, Aaron Lennon, Theo Walcott

Wayne Rooney, Emile Heskey, Jermaine Defoe, Peter Crouch

If Jonathan Woodgate can stay fit, he should go instead of Matthew Upson – but that is a huge if. And there is a strong argument (and one Capello obviously buys into) that James Milner’s versatility is a valuable asset. Expect him to go rather than Carrick. Heskey could be marginalised also, bring Carlton Cole right back into the equation. So many ifs and buts… we’ll see where we are in six months time…